why

Here she goes again: But why, oh, why?

Today was one of those mornings. I woke up thinking: Why on EARTH do I keep doing this to myself?

As usual, at the time when I booked this trip, I thought it was a totally inspired idea. And also as usual, now that I’m about to set off on it, all I can think is that I hate traveling. I hate change. I just want to sit on the couch at home and do nothing.

Of course, when I sit on the couch with nothing to do, I am so incredibly bored with how

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If you happen to see a woman struggling to carry these through the London underground, PLEASE offer her a helping hand. Otherwise, I have no idea how this is even happening.

routine my life has become that I book myself onto trips like the one I’m about to go on today.

Something must be wrong with me.

Well, whether I’m totally sane or completely bonkers, I have no choice now but to set off on another epic journey.

That sentence makes me sound so ungrateful for the opportunities that I have. I promise you, I’m not.

I know that I want to give this a try. I have wanted to go on this trip for years. But there is always some sort of a struggle going on inside of me. I have learned that, if I want to achieve anything in life, I need to somehow rise above that struggle and just do the things I know I want, and sometimes even need, to do.

Today, my big job is getting myself from Leeds in the north of England to London Heathrow. It will be no easy task. I’m taking the train from Leeds to London King’s Cross, then I need to make my way through the London underground carrying 30kg-worth of stuff. I have no wheelie suitcases with me for this trip. I’ll have to carry ALL of it.

Listen, if I can get myself to Heathrow Airport today, I’ll be fine with whatever happens over the next three weeks (she lies).

I really wish I had been able to prepare more for this trip. But I was so exhausted, more mentally than physically, after completing my Ironman and the months of training that preceded it, that I just didn’t have the motivation to do the kind of physical preparation that I was hoping to do. Instead, I focused on making sure I had all the gear that would keep me as safe as possible for this trip. I also focused on just getting through a work day without feeling like I was in a constant rush to get in another training session.

I have decided that I don’t really mind how the trip goes as long as I stay safe and enjoy myself while I’m there. I am not looking for any amazing accomplishments. I am most looking forward to being forced not to connect to Internet World for the major part of three weeks. Knowing me, I’ll still manage to find that rare Internet connection so I can quickly post something nonsensical on Facebook. But it will be rare if it happens at all.

Other things will be rare too: showers, for one. Toilets. A warm bed. Clean clothes. Even a general sense of well-being might be rare!

Why do I choose to do these things again?

Ok. I’ll admit it. This post has me thinking I’m actually quite excited about what is to come. I might have been lacking motivation over the past few weeks, but this just might be worth digging in deep and pulling it back out again.

Arrrrrghhhhhh!

Focus, Nadia. Just get yourself to Heathrow for now.

 

 

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Ready for a New Adventure: I Ask Myself “Why?”

Every single time I set off on an adventure, I can’t help but ask myself for the millionth time, “Why?” What seemed so logical and simple when the idea initially originated now seems so odd and out-of-the-ordinary.

“Why do I keep doing this sort of thing to myself?” I ask. “What do I get out of it? Why am I doing it?”

It is always at this stage, a few days before the actual trip, that fear, trepidation, and anxiety find their way to settle into my heart and mind. These are not new emotions for me. I feel these when I embark on any sort of change. ANY sort of change. I manage to get myself, like most others, into a daily routine that I am comfortable with. Anything that changes that routine, engaging in a new activity, writing a new article, meeting up with people for coffee, going on an errand I’m unaccustomed to, all these things cause me anxiety and minor trepidations. I have come to learn that if I succumb to these emotions every time I feel them I would do nothing with my life beyond my simple, daily routine.

Yet I am also aware that the anxious emotions I feel before an adventure are well-founded: there are risks involved, I am embarking on a lot of unknowns, and I am leaving my family behind. I have found a way to work with my pre-adventure anxieties. They guide my thoughts to the possible risks involved in my upcoming journey and I make sure to put in an extra effort to organize the trip in a way that makes it as safe as is possible.

None of that removes the nagging question, “Why?”

In no particular order, here are my answers: (more…)