weariness

Forlorn Mornings

Sometimes I just need to give in…to the weariness brought on by years of hard work, to the negative emotions that sometimes come back in waves as a result of years of unhappiness, to the nothingness that comes from not always having my children in the house.

I try to keep busy. I try to always have plans and adventures on the horizon. I keep myself physically active.

But some mornings I wake up, realizing that a childless, husbandless weekend is coming up, feeling lonely and just a little bit lost, and all I want to do is stay curled up in bed in my pajamas, under my warm blanket, maybe watching crap TV or just doing nothing.

Sometimes, although I do have things to do, places to go, and people to meet, my soul tells me that today is not a day for living. Today is a day for grieving; grieving people long gone, dreams lost, expectations smashed, self-confidence misplaced, routes taken and others missed.

Sometimes I need to give in and allow myself to grieve.

And then I drink my specially scented Earl Grey tea and the world seems to appear just a little bit brighter. And my soul tells me, “Why not give it another try? Maybe today will be your day.”

 

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