My Self-Doubting Demons

For years I have battled with self-doubt. It is a horrible affliction to have to deal with. Without anyone’s interference, I will sometimes doubt my ability to succeed in a career. I will sometimes doubt my ability to be a good parent. I will sometimes doubt my ability to be a good wife. I will sometimes doubt my ability to write well. The list goes on and on.

There are always reasons for my self-doubt. I might have met with failure at one point in my career. I might have been rejected after an interview. I may have had an article return to me from an editor with a million and one red marks on it. I may feel guilty for devoting part of my time to things other than my children, who, in my heart, I always feel deserve 100 percent of my time.

Some of my reasons for self-doubt are real and others are only in my head. I have messed up miserably many a time in my career, in my writing, as a wife, and in my parenting. When most people mess up, they inevitably doubt their abilities to do better. That happens to me all the time.

But then I pick myself up. I am actually quite good at that. I will make horrible horrible mistakes, but then I will recognize them for what they are: mistakes.