Training me…and me

“WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO MEEEEEE?” yelled the complainer, thrashing her arms and pounding her legs on the ground. “I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT ALLLLL!” Had there been others, she’d have made quite a public scene. Fortunately, as always, they were alone.

“You know very well why I keep doing this. Now, when you’re done throwing your little tantrum, you will get up, put on your running clothes, do your warm-up drills, and get out there and run,” said the wiser one, very matter-of-factly.

Sometimes the wiser one makes the complainer go swimming at 6:30 in the morning. Other times she makes her go cycling in pelting, freezing rain. She’s a relentless slave driver. Just as the complainer never gives up on her whining.

My training is probably more of a head battle than anything else. There’s the part of me that is dead-set on getting myself to my goal no matter what it takes. And there’s the other part that can’t begin to fathom why all this is necessary in the first place.

That head battle is part of the reason why I do this. I want to suppress that part of me that constantly whines and would rather spend the rest of her life doing something other than what she is doing right now. You see, I can’t even say that the complainer would rather spend the rest of her life lying on a couch watching crap TV, which is what she really wants to do these days. She’s already been in that position where she had nothing else to do. She hated it. She detested it. She felt like her life had no purpose. She wanted work. She wanted to do stuff. She wanted life. It’s only when she got all those things that she went back to wanting the couch and crap TV.

So I’ve figured her out. She is going to be unhappy no matter what the rest of mes want to do. And I’ve spent years trying to figure out what that is exactly. I’ll probably spend the rest of my years doing that still. But every now and then I catch a glimpse. My mes definitely want to be fit and strong. My mes want to be in more control of me. We don’t want to react with stress or anger or major panic attacks at every bump in the road of life. So these days we have given the wiser one full reign to slave drive the complainer until she calms down and just lives with what is doled out on her.

It is a constant battle. It will continue to be. But I have goals and I will do everything in my power to make them happen.

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