Travel, a Longing, and the Ultimate Destination

There is a longing inside of me. 

I can suppress it for weeks at a time. But eventually it resurfaces in a way that I can no longer ignore.

There is a longing inside of me.

That longing has shown me how big and beautiful the world beyond my tiny little one can be. It has shown me that within me lies another world the depths of which I’ve barely touched.

That longing has taken me places. It has taught me things. It has pushed me beyond every limit I thought I had.

There is a longing inside of me.

That longing has placed me face-to-face with my fears and anxieties and has told them to go fuck themselves because I’m going to do this anyway.

That longing has shown me how I can be incredibly weak yet exceptionally strong in the same moment.

That longing has made me dream. It has urged me to quietly – and sometimes secretly – make plans to accomplish those dreams. That longing has given me years-worth of patience, sitting on those dreams, nurturing them, keeping them warm for that perfect time for them to hatch and emerge, flap their wings, and fly.

It has taken me years to reconcile myself with my longing and to learn to accept it as it is. My concept of what should be – what needs to be – sometimes distorts my ability to live with the longing or to find an outlet for it. I am now learning that my longing beckons me to fulfil my calling. My purpose. However crazy that calling seems to be.

There is something inside of me that is trying to teach me what it means to actually live life.

It is trying to teach me what really fulfils me. What really gives me a feeling of contentedness.

If ever there was a Nirvana, that is the ultimate destination of my longing. I have had glimpses of this magical state by following my longing.

I call it a longing. You call it your dreams. I am learning to stop fighting the longing. I am learning that trying to bury it only kills the innermost parts of my soul.

There is a longing inside of me. I recognize it now for what it is. I accept it. I will follow its path.

My longing took me on a cycling trip across Europe earlier this year. Our longings manifest in different ways. Mine tells me there are barriers I need to break through in order to reach my Nirvana. By breaking through the material barriers of geographical boundaries, of mental and physical pain, of language, and of culture, I am somehow able to learn how to break through my inner barriers and touch the surfaces of a deep consciousness and awareness. It is only then that I feel truly alive. It is only then that I feel truly in touch with my Creator in all His Magnificence and Benevolence.

I am learning that travel, in and of itself, is not my purpose. I am learning that pushing my physical limits is not, in and of itself, my purpose. They are simply two tools that help me find myself and connect me with my Creator.

There is a longing inside of me. It was quiet below the surface for awhile, allowing me to recuperate and to gather my strength and to reconnect with loved ones.

The voice of my longing is getting louder and louder. I hear it. I acknowledge it. And I know what I need to do.