I am a 44-year-old woman and I am in love.
I am telling you this even though I am a strict believer in the existence of the evil eye. I have made a conscious decision to brave your evil eyes because I believe you deserve to know that you should have this too. I have, of course, made all the necessary incantations against your evil eyes and have placed a preventative curse on anyone who so much as thinks of sending evil eye vibes my way.
I am a 44-year-old woman and I am in love. And it feels great. The love I feel for my husband isn’t the warm, wishy-washy, cuddly sort of love we think we feel for another person when we are teenagers. It feels so much more mature than any love I have felt before. It is a love that is aware, from experience, of the risks involved and the compromises that must be made. It is a love that knows the hard work that is involved in keeping it alive. It is a love that is willing to take those risks and to make those compromises and to do all the hard work because I know that it is worth it.
You deserve to have this too. Know that. Feel it in your core. If you do not feel it, go to the nearest mirror and repeat these words, “I deserve to love and to be loved.” Continue to say this until you believe it. Force yourself to believe it and then go act on it. Stop this crap of waiting for love to come and knock at your door. It doesn’t happen that way. You need to actively seek it out. Think of love the way you think of other things you are passionate about. When I am passionate about something I find a way to go get it. You need to feel that way about love. Get your butt out there in the world, meet people, socialize, and continue to do this until you see something you like and then go get it! When you believe in yourself, when you believe you are worthy, when you believe you are super-awesome, others will see that in you too.
Do not let age get in your way. Do not let circumstances get in your way. Start thinking positively and make things happen.
Stop being afraid of taking risks. Stop being afraid of rejection. Consider risks and rejection part of the learning process of finding love.
If you are a single woman, do not wait for the men to take the initiative. You do not live in the 19th Century.
If you are married, work at falling back in love with your spouse.
Stop making check lists of the characteristics the love of your life must have. It doesn’t work that way. Love is often found where it is least expected. If you do not open yourself up to that thought, you may let it pass by unnoticed. Do not let that happen.
I am a 44-year-old woman in love. And it feels great. You deserve to have this too. Do something about it.
Another perfect post that touches me deeply.
Ah thank you Nadia, I shall keep this to read again to remind me too of how lucky I am.
Nadia, I don’t know how to thank you enough for reading my mind and translating into words. I am a 44 years old wife and I am in love too. I just found out this love after I went through a painful experience.
I’m very happy for you, and I hope you’re happy forever, mashallah (no evil eye, aho). But, sadly, it’s so much easier said than done. Sometimes going for what you want only ends up causing you more heartache and humiliation.
Lubna, I have to say this is what I can relate to. I have relentlessly looked and tried for years now and I’m at a point where I feel like one more heartache or humiliation will send me to my breaking point 🙂
Lubna, I absolutely agree that most things in life are easier said than done. I also agree that sometimes going for what you want can cause more heartache and humiliation. This does not only apply to love. It also applies to work. And to hobbies. And to so many other things in life. People who are successful (at anything) have been through so many falls that they eventually learn what needs to be done to get it right. You have to make mistakes in order to learn what’s best/right for you. The problem is that so many of us are afraid to make mistakes. And that is what keeps us from being successful (again, at anything). You will only be a successful career woman if you go for what you want to do, make mistakes in the process, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from the mistakes, and move on. And so it is with love. You will only find love by going through the process. You cannot get to know someone without becoming emotionally attached to them. It just can’t happen. And there will be people you get to know, who you become emotionally attached to, who turn out not to be the right person for you for any of a variety of reasons. If you do not have the courage to take that risk time and time again, you won’t find that person who is right for you. You will make mistakes. You will get involved with the wrong person(s). You will then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes, and make a better choice the next time around. You cannot learn anything about the complexity of human relationships without being in one/some. You cannot learn anything about the subtleties of human expression without being closely involved with people. You need to learn how to pick up subtle signals of interest from the opposite sex. You need to learn how to engage with that delicately. You need to learn how to get to know people of the opposite sex and when to decide to take things to the next level. You cannot do any of that if you do not engage. You cannot do any of that if you do not make mistakes. We all need to learn how to toughen up. Our hearts will be broken. It’s a normal part of growing up and being human. We teach ourselves how to mend them, feel better, and move on.
I am not challenging you as I admire what you said here. My question is: can a practising muslim woman really practise what you said honestly? There’s seems a lot of taboo about gender mixing, how that possible can really work out? I want to know.
It all depends on who you ask. You are asking me so I will tell you what I believe. I believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong in men and women mixing respectably and respectfully. It’s important for two people to get to know each other if they eventually want to marry. And the only way to do that properly is by spending some time together.