During the past couple of days, I’ve had a couple of conversations on Twitter and Facebook that were related to Islam in one way or another. I thought I’d share.
Polygamy in Islam
The first was a short Facebook conversation that started when a FB friend posted an article by Nadine El-Bedayr, a Saudi television presenter. Nadine had written a previous rather provocative article in Egypt’s independent daily Al-Masry Al-Yowm titled “Me and My Four Husbands“. The article basically addressed the logic behind polygamy by saying that if men are allowed to marry four wives women should be allowed to as well. The article – and Nadine – created havoc and lots of denunciations of the woman. Nadine went on to write a second article “What’s Wrong With You? Why All the Anger?”. This was the post my Facebook friend made.
What I’d like to share is my comment to this post. I’m a bit concerned that all I’ll get in return is pretty much the same reaction Nadine got. But I’m willing to try my hand at freedom of speech and thought. My comment:
“I think this is a very brave woman. She has raised a sensitive issue in a provocative way; the only way it can truly be raised to illicit truthful answers. She was brave enough to raise it fully knowing that we live in a judgmental society that shows no mercy. I salute this woman.
“I remember growing up as a child and later on as a young woman always questioning in my mind the logic behind allowing polygamy for men. I was told things like: it’s to protect women who cannot find husbands; it’s to protect men who have a high sexual urge that cannot be met by one woman; it’s to protect men who fall in love with a second woman; it’s to allow men who have married infertile wives to have children while not having to leave their first wife, and on and on. Then I would ask, sometimes out loud, well what about the woman? What if the woman marries a man who cannot have children? What if the woman falls in love with another man? What if the woman has sexual urges that cannot be satisfied by one man? I was mostly hush-hushed, of course, but TOLD that women are different than men (of course I am told this mainly by men who seem to know everything about women). Women’s sexual urges, I’m TOLD, are much different and less than the fire of a man’s urges. Women can only love one man but men have the ability to love more than one woman. Besides, I was told, it is absolutely disgusting the concept of a woman having the “thing” of more than one man in her thing. And besides, I was also told, we need to protect our lineages. We know the father when the man has sex with more than one woman. We do not know the father if the mother has sex with more than one man. But I always had these two questions: well, if it’s disgusting for a woman to have more than one man’s thing in her, why isn’t it just as disgusting for the man to put his thing in more than one woman? And we now live in a day and age where it is very easy to find out who the father of a child is by DNA testing.
“I am also absolutely convinced that men have convinced themselves for hundreds of years that their sexual urges are much larger than women’s. Well, I’m sorry to break their bubble, but they are wrong.
“So I have been needing for years to find someone brave enough to go out in public and question this logic we’ve been faced with all our lives.
“Because I’m telling ya, it makes absolutely no sense to me. And I know my God would want me to use my head to find truth and not just sit back and have someone dictate truth to me.
“Nadine, my hat goes off to you.”
Twitter, Irshad Manji and Islamic Reform
On Twitter, @pakinamamer, a friend of mine, had mentioned a name I had not heard of before, Irshad Manji. I quickly checked out her website. Here is the conversation we had on Twitter with a couple of other fellow tweeps (and friends):
NadiaE: @pakinamamer who is irshad manji? I think I’m under the same rock
pakinamamer: @NadiaE A Muslim feminist (and a lesbian I was just told) who’s fighting for a more “moderate” inclusive Islam: http://www.irshadmanji.com/
NadiaE: @pakinamamer interesting…
TravellerW: @pakinamamer @nadiae I hate to break to u but Irshad Manji is a joke. No real arguments, plenty of daddy issues; “dad’s an ass=Muslims suck”
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamer I dont know the woman and only quickly looked at her blog. But she’s clearly a Pakistani Muslim brought up abroad…
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamer and there are countless Pakistani and Indian Muslim women in particular who have grown up abroad who have had it hard
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamamer theyr raised in 1 envt but expected to live the life of their ancestors. Theyr forced into marriages they dont want
NadiaE: @travellerw @pakinamer and a version of faith is forced on them; one they see no logic in. Not in defense of anyone particular,…
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamamer but there are REASONS some people have “daddy issues” and dad is an ass = Muslims are too
TravellerW: @nadiae @pakinamamer I can’t speak about all Pakistanis but I did read her book. And her conclusion is that if her father mistreated her,…
TravellerW: @nadiae @pakinamamer …. it’s because he’s a muslim. Hence, Islam sucks. That’s the summary of the book.
TravellerW: @nadiae @pakinamamer She seems harmless enough, but I put her in the same box as ayaan hirsi ali.
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamer well, perhaps her father told her he treated her that way BECAUSE of Islam – his version of course
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamamer her website says she’s calling for Islamic reform. There are so many perverted versions of Islam out there now…
TravellerW: @NadiaE @pakinamamer Even if. If she’s a ‘muslim reformer’ or ‘thinker’ she should’ve realised her dad doesn’t represent 1.25 billion, no?
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamamer that at least I’m sure we can agree we do need reform
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamamer Oooh…I’ll bet he represents a large enough number nonetheless
TravellerW: @NadiaE @pakinamamer Sure. But there are many people I’m willing to argue reform with. Manji isn’t one of them. Might as well ask Wilders!
Zeinobia: @TravellerW @Pakinamamer @NadiaE I agree most of these ladies base their personal views on whole religion
NadiaE: @TravellerW @pakinamamer again. I dont know the woman. But I can understand where women like her come from
pakinamamer: @Zeinobia @NadiaE @Zeinobia I can see where @TravellerW comes from. tbh, West glorifies Muslim female (unveiled) whiners a bit too much…
TravellerW: @NadiaE @pakinamamer Then it’s her dad who needs to be reformed, not my faith. I reject her primary premise.
Zeinobia: @NadiaE @pakinamamer She is a well known lesbian so her views so called “moderate” are like what you see
NadiaE: @Zeinobia @TravellerW @Pakinamamer I’ve always been against generalising our views of any religion or culture based on personal experience
pakinamamer: @Zeinobia @TravellerW @NadiaE that said, I agree with her (and w Nadia) on the urgent need for reform within Islam.
NadiaE: @Zeinobia @TravellerW @Pakinamamer still its important 2 give weight 2 personal experience: it represents partof thepicture if not the whole
pakinamamer: @Zeinobia @NadiaE @TravellerW I’m still starting to read hr book But the fact that her argument/method is wrong, doesn’t mean her premise is
pakinamamer: @NadiaE @TravellerW @Zeinobia I agree personal pains and experiences reflect existent, sometimes widespread, problems.
TravellerW: @nadiae @pakinamamer @zeinobia Hey, I’m sorry her father was a jerk, I truly am. But don’t blame it on my religion!
NadiaE: @pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW oh yes. the “west” do glorify them. I’m not talking “the west” now though. We’re all egyptians talking
pakinamamer: @TravellerW @Zeinobia @NadiaE But then again, how you conceptualize these experiences is what makes all the difference.
NadiaE: @pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW and im pretty sure we’re all aware of the issues and the need for change
TravellerW: @pakinamamer @zeinobia @nadiae do check the book. the english version’s for sale, the arabic is free on pdf
NadiaE: @pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW 1 point i want to emphasize is many muslim women raised abroad have faced REAL problems with families
Zeinobia: @pakinamamer @NadiaE @TravellerW we need reform and better understanding for the religion
TravellerW: @pakinamamer @nadiae @zeinobia Mashy, but if we allow her to generalize from her dad to all muslim men, then we’re doing Rumsfeld’s bid!
NadiaE: @pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW and families have always defended themselves saying theyr protecting their daughters in name of islam
pakinamamer: @NadiaE @TravellerW @Zeinobia right But her reax to being glorified as such and used as a tool against Islam affects reception of hr views
NadiaE: @pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW short story: there’s a lot of CRAP happening and we need to understand where these women r coming from
pakinamamer: @NadiaE @Zeinobia @TravellerW I understand that. we do face similar problems too It’s how we react to it that matters, that’s all I’m saying
pakinamamer: @NadiaE @Zeinobia @TravellerW agree. I don’t like shunning ideas or ppl’s experiences. I’m all for reading her books and even debating w her
NadiaE: @pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW anything ive said is in the abstract. I might be as angry as u if i read the book
pakinamamer: @NadiaE @Zeinobia @TravellerW I’m just not sure if on her side she’s contributing to a healthy discourse or just rubbishing Islam. Different
NadiaE: pakinamamer @Zeinobia @TravellerW you could be very right. Contributing to the discourse rather than rubbishing is important
TravellerW: @NadiaE I respect the female-muslim-abroad exp.I dont like randm ppl extrapolating 2 demonize. I leave that 2 FoxNews @zeinobia @pakinamamer
TravellerW: @nadiae @zeinobia @pakinamamer Hey, I’m an expat brat myself. But muslim-in-europe thinkers, men and women, I have met, and she’s not one
NadiaE: @TravellerW @zeinobia @pakinamamer she very well might not be. Only just heard her name now
Microblogging through Twitter and Facebook have become such interesting ways of communicating. My friends and I discuss many sensitive issues through these means. And here I share with you a couple of those discussions. My only point is to provoke my own and your thinking. I might be very wrong in some of my statements. So might my friends. But I believe one can only reach truth by questioning and questioning and…further questioning.
that was a fascinating post.. and your response to the original post was quite lively! Also, the myths around women’s sexuality seem to shift every few centuries. In various places and times it has been the women who are sex-mad and need to be controlled. There is always a level of convenience in these pronouncements.
The Twitter conversation was great to see.. I had seen bits and pieces of it and tried to see what the discussion was about, but couldn’t figure it out. It is amazing the kinds of conversations that Twitter allows..
I reviewed Irshad Manji’s book here – I think you may find it interesting
Feel free to contact me if you have any comments or suggestions about this book review.